Apple cake...

My head is aching. have had to much of this apple cake; my mouth is too sweet. But memories of the morning make me smile - making my jaw ache even more. But that's alright. Or maybe not. Am sitting in a cafe with a group of people sitting close to me, discussing business plans for a fashion house. In each group around in the cafe I see, it is the woman who stands out.

'Women' - so much harder they have o try to appeal. What works with men..? Is it simplicity, is it make-up? Is it innocence - is it wantonness? Is it a mixture? It it alright being yourself? And funnily, in this whole stressful, bizarre attempt of trying to answer these questions, you momentarily lose yourself...only to find yourself again and ask: "Do I enjoy dressing up, or do I do it for others?" Am I a consumer of the product that is me? I first sell myself to me. I have to like me. I have to like that face in the mirror. Argh! At tmes it makes me wanna puke, like right now. Or is it the effect of the caffeine? Or the sweet, sweet apple cake.

My world...my thoughts...my feelings...

My world, my thoughts, my feelings...to which i give preeminence; more than anything else. More important than verbal quibblings, intellectualisms and other cognitive 'isms' are the products of my affective faculty. i love to 'feel' - happy, sad, wanted, glad, mad, angry, ecstatic, funny, weird... oh for a world of senses...like the one Keats aspired to is so much richer, so much more attractive. Of course, then you have thoughts that make you feel too. But then again there are thoughts that leave you cold, just like some feelings leave you bereft of any fodder for thought... .

I'll guard your heart
Like my secret garden;
Where I'll grow my smiles
And weed out your fears.
And even if there be any tears
They shall only be those of joy.

The salt and moisture
Will add to the taste,
For my love, we love spice.
And ours will be a garden
Where we grow spices
Of all kinds.

And when my tongue burns
With the heat of the chilly seed
(For when you are cold and mean
That is what it does to me.)
You will come to me
And make me suck on tamarind
Making my mouth salivate so much,
That i forget what the sensation of chilly was.

Phases of Love...

Open Close
Close Open.
Let me out
Let me in.

Too many motions
I've been through
In this time
Of being in love
With you.

I wanna sit still
Be in a place
Content to look in your eyes
And at your lovely face.
But you don't let that happen
As much as I try.
You push me out
You pull me in,
You drive me wild...

Open Close...
Close Open...
You let me out
And then you let me in.

I wonder how it'd be
To have stillness within me.
To know I have you
And that you have me.
I live in anticipation
Of that time...
But until then
It's the same old line...

Open Close
Close Open
Let me out
Let me in...