Blame it on the carpenters!!

No, this is no reference to the band, The Carpenters. Instead, I am referring to the actual men at work in my house thanks to my mom, who has gone on a wood repairing and polishing spree. Well, this invitation to the carpenters has resulted in a whole lot of work for me (read The Lazy One), something I was not looking forward to! So my desk and cupboards had to be emptied and all the stuff dumped on my bed. Then, something that I dislike even more happened – Mom rummaging through my stuff, which she would prefer to call my rubbish. (I object to that!) And then, she suggests that I throw most of it away! Why? ‘Cause most of it consists of scraps of paper, cards, funny pictures and silly trinkets. I say these are memories, she says they are worthless, and that I should get rid of the junk and live in the present – the past is over, and whatever memories I have in my head are good enough. Well, reluctantly I have agreed. It is a mass that intimidates me. But this morning, I got to work on it. And the emotions that this act of cleaning up brought on, was something I was not expecting…
Of course, I anticipated feeling a little sentimental throwing away the stuff I have been holding on to for years (of course I am not going to trash all of it, most of it stays put! Shh…Mom needn’t know. Once it goes back into the drawer, it’ll be a well kept secret!). But I didn’t expect feeling as weird as I did!
This is also owing to the fact that I have painstakingly preserved all kinds of things for posterity, rightly thinking that they would be my gateway back into my past in the years to come. So, when I was in high school, any paper conversations we used to have while the teacher was teaching, were quietly slipped into my bag, brought home and put into the drawer of my desk. During one cleaning spree, I even organized my paper conversations into envelopes with the names of different friends, and so this became a practice I continued right into my Masters. Besides this valuable resource I have to recreate the past in the form of dialogues with my friends, replete with their handwriting and my ever changing handwriting (I could see the evolution in my handwriting), there were also letters from this particular friend of mine.
Now, I am unfortunately no longer in touch with this friend owing to various reasons. But reading her letters at this moment in my life gave me such perspective and insight into myself that few other things could have. I also had letters and cards from a guy who used to really, really like me. And again scraps of paper and cards from other friends and my boyfriend. The important thing that I realized is that I have been loved! I felt so loved, that all I can be is grateful.
Today, I am in touch with some people whose memories I had preserved for posterity, and some people have become less important, while others have gained more significance. And this is true for all of us. This is what life is – people touching your life and you touching theirs… leaving impressions that make you who you are today. Again, these are commonplace clichés, corny stuff some might even say. I guess one can feel it best when one has one of these moments themselves… I had one such moment today. I thank the carpenters, who insisted that they wanted to polish the desk well and I had to empty the drawers out. The Lazy One was roused from her lethargy, and the result was intense emotional upheaval. But it felt good…before the end of 2008, I am letting go of some memories in their tangible form… holding on to several others and preparing for newer, if not better ones!!

Quintessential Calcutta!!

You have seen me…

You have seen me,
The way that I am.
The way that I shouldn’t be.
The way that I am lost.

And in seeing me,
I know you have found me,
I know that you have claimed me,
I know that you have reclaimed me.

I did not show you,
I did not know you,
I did not know that you knew.

But you know,
And now that you know,
It is for me to show,
That I know you
And I see you,
So that you are found.

I have started writing, nonetheless!!

'Nonetheless'!
An amazing word. A current favourite with me.
It means hope. It means courage. It means going against odds.
I believe in ‘nonetheless’. It’s not the same as ‘anyway’… that casual way of switching the subject or ending a conversation. It’s different from ‘however’, which is used so often to prove an opposing point of view. ‘Nonetheless’ is objective. It’s strong and firm. I like it - nonetheless.

My Affliction.

I have a problem. I am lazy. No, these are not words to be taken lightly! This is a serious disorder! I can actually lie-in all day long and do nothing. And I know, to anyone who reads it, it would seem but obvious, that it’s not healthy. How, pray do I impress upon anyone (most importantly myself) how grave the situation is?!
I feel myself falling; much like Alice, through the rabbit-hole. The crucial difference being that there is no Wonderland awaiting me on the other end. In fact there is no land…there is nothing!! As I sit in the confines of my room, the walls seem to draw closer. I am at a stage of life where perhaps many people find themselves… it’s a winding road and I am at the point where I can look no further. I can see no land-scape, no sea-scape no man-scape and no es-cape. So I sink in deeper…deeper into the soft recesses of my pillow, into a dreamless sleep. I am lazy. I do not dream!

Not Clichés…

You are my muse,
Although I am no artist.

You are my hope,
Although I am not despair.

You are my all,
Although I am not nothing.

This you need to know
My love…

For this is what you are,
‘My love’ – although not a cliché.

My world...

A cuppa, my notes, a pen, a fag and my work file... my quintessence! Life seems complete. My world captured on film...

Love Sick...(puke!!)

It’s not the end of the world,
Nothing is-
Till it’s the end of the world.

I chose to make you my world,
What a twirl…
But I can’t twirl anymore.
You were standing still,
I was the one
Going round on my toes.

My head is all in a spin,
I don’t know how
Now to begin?
‘Cause, it’s still not the end of the world,
So nothing new.
So I still love you??
It’s not yet the end of the world,
Nothing is –
Till it ends.