Am teaching now. Talking about literature in classes, encouraging students to write. There are good days I have at school and some really horrid ones! It's a mixed bag. At times hard to figure out how much of a friend I want to be and how much of a teacher. All the things that one criticizes from a distance, one finds oneself doing exactly those.
That is a separate matter though. Somehow am also going through oscillating emotions in terms of feeling at one time that am moving ahead, doing a lot - and am plagued simultaneously with the fear that am not strong enough intellectually; that am not really accomplishing anything meaningful and that my career is headed the lord alone knows where!
That brings me to the lord! Who I have had immense faith in and who has stood the test of time and always proved himself to be exceptionally loving and kind (I am a believer of the best/worst kind!) Have always looked for, and found signs - known that the lord will lead me to a good place in life. But that can happen only provided I know where I want to go. Am at a phase in life where my comfort zone is really a place I am so beautifully stuck in that am finding it hard to even think of getting out of. Doubts, confusions, crossroads plague me.
Given that I just spoke of writing being cathartic and introspective and a process where one discovers oneself in class today, thought it would be quite hypocritical of me to not engage in some writing myself. So here I am - hoping this exercise of purging my thoughts on screen will help. Looking at the neat font and the profusion of print before me is soothing. Gives me a sense (whether or not false) of things moving, of there being some content generated from within.
Still unsure of what the new year shall bring forth, I stop here. Will do some serious productive work now and hope for the best!
1 comment:
Sim,
This post is, to tell you honestly is super-trippy! Pardon me for trying to flatter you here; but I was just looking at the word play in your entire post and was lost in the maze of words. Gosh, are you a brilliant writer!
Ok, now enough of flattery there, and let's get down to the business. That flattery too, by the way was also completely out of context here. It served a purpose - a purpose that you need to feel absolutely assured in terms of your intellectual capabilities. Because the way you pour off your thoughts also needs a way of expression. And there is always creation happening. So, never feel stagnant, as you're always on a progressive trend.
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